The Benefits of Journaling

Journaling is a practice I recommend for many of my clients. When I make this suggestion, I sometimes get a wide-eyed “oh, no!” look in return. I quickly try to take the fear out of journaling and explain the benefits of a regular practice of keeping a journal.

First of all, journaling does not require you to be a great writer. The personal experience of keeping a journal only requires a bit of discipline and a few minutes of quiet time. The important thing is to simply begin. The words that make their way on to paper or the computer screen are for you alone. If you feel blocked and nothing comes to you, begin by writing “I don’t know what to write,” or “I can’t think of a thing to say,” or whatever comes to mind. I’ve even started my personal journaling entries with “blah blah blah!” An interesting thing happens when you just start writing something…anything. You may remember that dream you had last night and begin to wonder what it might mean. A work frustration makes its way on to the paper and you may find a resolution or a reduction in stress by being able to get it out of your mind. Feelings of anger, or sadness, or happiness, or gratitude can surface spontaneously as your write, and then you can write about those feelings. As you continue the practice of journaling regularly, it becomes easier, less intimidating, and I find that many people look forward to the time devoted to journaling. Some may include poetry, sketches, or diagrams with the thoughts expressed in words. A journal is whatever you want it to be. It’s a way to process thoughts, feelings, and emotions which can lead to insights, problem-solving, creativity, self-discovery, reduced stress, and inner peace.

In the book, The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes about a journaling exercise she calls “morning pages.” She instructs readers to write two pages of something upon waking each morning. The content is not as important as the exercise and discipline of writing every day, because the content will come. I even suggest to clients that if two pages sounds like too much, start by writing one page. You might set a specific amount of time to journal and not define journaling by the number of pages. Set a timer and write for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, or whatever amount of time fits your schedule.

Journaling can provide these benefits and more:

• Stress reduction
• Increased focus
• Improved mindfulness
• Clarifying and processing thoughts, feelings, and emotions
• Knowing yourself better through personal insights and self-discovery
• Increased creativity
• Defining dreams and goals and plans to attain them

Journaling is a personal experience and there is no right or wrong way to go about it. Just grab a pen and paper (or your computer) and give it a try.

15 Ways to Attend to Self-Care

Self-care is certainly not a new topic of discussion. However, I think checking in from time-to-time about how we are managing our self-care is important. I often discuss with clients ways they are attending to care of self and work with them to identify ways in which they can nurture themselves. Sometimes there is confusion that self-care is equal to narcissism. Let me make this very clear: Self-care is not narcissistic! Narcissists have little regard for the feelings of others. People who struggle with caring for themselves are usually not those who lack care and concern for others. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. They are very concerned about the feelings and care of others to the exclusion of taking care of themselves. Men and women both struggle with taking the time to care for self. As a counselor who works primarily with women and their emotional health, I know that women often take on the responsibility to be sure all is well with their children, families, partners, and careers and leave little time for themselves.

What are some ways to implement self-care? Here is a basic, short list of things you might consider as you plan to take care of yourself.  If you are already attending to some of the items on the list, give yourself credit for that! You might want to try a new way of self-care, as well. If you find self-care difficult, pick one or two items and try it out to see how it feels. And always remember that taking care of yourself means that you are also being good to those you care about and who care about you. Make self-care a priority!

Physical Self-Care
    1.       Healthy Diet
    2.       Regular Exercise
    3.       Sufficient Sleep
    4.       Medical Care (regular check-ups, medication compliance, being proactive about healthconcerns,  etc.)

Emotional Self-Care
    5.       Counseling
    6.       Journaling
    7.       Meditation, mindfulness, or relaxation practices
    8.       Solitude

Fun and Leisure as Self-Care
    9.       Sports and Hobbies
   10.      Date Night with Partner
   11.      Night Out or Trips with Friends

Self-Care in Relationships
   12.      Supportive relationships with friends and family
   13.      Setting boundaries or limits – (It’s OK to say “no!”)

Other Ways to Attend to Self Care
    14.     Technology breaks
    15.     Use your calendar to schedule and prioritize self-care activities

Couples Counseling for One

Couples counseling for one?

It sounds a bit paradoxical, doesn’t it? How can one person participate in couples counseling?

Let me explain.

All relationships will experience ups and downs. Sometimes life with your beloved will move along without a bump. On the opposite end of the spectrum there may be times when you feel helpless to find a resolution to conflict or a traumatic relationship event. 

You may want to pursue couples counseling to learn better communication skills, reduce conflict, work to heal the hurts and emotional pain in your relationship, and move forward in a positive way with your marriage or partnership. You’re ready to seek couples counseling, but your spouse or partner is reluctant to see a professional to address the issues and concerns in your relationship. Attending couples counseling with your spouse or partner is preferred, but if you can’t get your partner on-board, this is when couples counseling for one can be a good alternative.

First, let’s try to understand what may be going on with a reluctant spouse or partner who refuses to go to couples counseling with you:

• He or she may feel that they will be blamed for the difficulties in the relationship.
• Conflict of any kind may be something your spouse or partner wants to avoid in any setting.
• It’s difficult for many individuals to face problems head-on and make tough decisions. 
• It may be very uncomfortable for your spouse or partner to talk with someone they don’t know, even a trained professional, about the details of their personal life.
• Your spouse or partner may mistakenly believe that seeing a couples counselor means the relationship is near an end. (And they don’t want it to end!)
• The belief that he or she has no responsibility in the relationship problems and blames you for the difficulties.

Now that we have some idea of what might going on when your partner rejects going to couples counseling with you, let’s look at some ways to make the most of your counseling without your spouse or partner, and the potential benefits to you and your relationship if you pursue couples counseling for one:

• Leave the door open for your spouse or partner to join you in counseling. Do not nag, coerce, or make threats if he or she will not go with you.
• With the help of your counselor, you will learn about your responses and reactions in your relationship with your partner and how you might change those behaviors.
• Being a role model for how counseling is working for you, and how it is helping you in your relationship, can have a positive impact on your partner.
• Identifying things that you can change, and learning healthy ways to cope with things that can’t be changed, will also be beneficial to you and your relationship.
• You can share insights, reading material, and “homework” from your counseling sessions with your partner, which might help remove some of the uncertainty and discomfort of what couples therapy involves.

If your spouse or partner won’t go to counseling with you, couples counseling without your spouse or partner can be helpful. Go to couples counseling alone to understand yourself in the context of the relationship. Positive change in your relationship is possible with couples counseling for one.

Is it Domestic Violence If There is No Physical Abuse?

Many years ago, a friend who was in a bad relationship commented to me, “At least he doesn’t hit me.” While I understood that my friend was grateful she was not being physically harmed, I realized that the emotional abuse she was suffering in her relationship was just as damaging as physical abuse.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and domestic violence has been prominent in the news recently after a professional athlete very publicly battered his wife in a hotel elevator. Physical abuse is never acceptable. Emotional abuse is never acceptable either. And yes, emotional abuse in a relationship is considered to be domestic violence. Domestic violence is not only physical abuse.

Ask yourself the following questions:
 

1. Are you always giving? Is there a lack of reciprocation from your partner?
2. Do you feel like your partner tries to make everything your fault?
3. Does your partner refuse to listen to you, discount what you have to say as unimportant, talk over you, yell at you, try to intimidate you, shame you?
4. Do you sometimes think your partner is trying to make you think you are “crazy?” (It has a name: it's called “gaslighting.”)
5. Do you second-guess yourself most of the time? Do you feel like your self-esteem is being slowly dismantled?
6. Do you feel isolated? Have you limited or lost contact with friends and family because your partner doesn’t like them?
7. Is your partner jealous? Does he/she want to know where you are all the time and check on you frequently? Accuse you of being unfaithful?
8. Do you minimize the times when your partner is coercive, controlling, disempowering, demeaning and/or humiliating? When this happens do you tell yourself “it’s not a big deal,” or “he/she didn’t mean it,” or “I’m being too sensitive?”
9. Do you have to ask your partner for money because you don’t have access to accounts?
10. Do you have sex with your partner when you don’t want to, because you want to “keep the peace?”
11. Do you feel exhausted most or all of the time? Have difficulty making decisions for yourself?
12. Have you left your relationship before, gotten back together when changes in behavior are promised, only to have your partner’s pattern of behavior return?

Answering yes to any of the questions above may be indicators that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Emotional abuse, like physical abuse, is about power and control. It’s a pattern of behavior over time. It’s very different from the ups-and-downs or occasional fight or disagreement with your partner. Emotional abuse is confusing and it breaks you down.

If you think you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, reach out to someone who will listen to your story – a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. The shame you may feel will begin to lose its power when you bring it into the open within a safe environment. With help, you can regain your personal power, identity, and self-esteem.               

5 Natural Ways to Cope With Anxiety

If you currently suffer from anxiety, you may sometimes feel like you are trapped. Anxiety is a very serious condition that can severely alter your ability to function and focus on a daily basis—but you should never feel like you are out of options.

With the right approach, anxiety can be controlled and greatly reduced. In addition to prescription medications and professional therapy sessions, you have access to countless natural anxiety remedies within the comfort of your home and community. Below, five natural anxiety remedies are discussed in more detail:


Change your diet

While it may not be an easy thing to hear, diet plays a huge role in maintaining the body’s emotional health. Individuals who eat a healthy, balanced diet are at a smaller risk for developing both anxiety and depression. If you find yourself constantly worried and unable to relax, take a closer look at your daily food intake—excessive consumption of sugar, refined flours, and processed foods is linked to increased anxiety. Alcoholic and caffeinated beverages will also alter the brain and make it difficult to focus and stay still. As you plan your meals and snacks, factor in situations and times of the day where you are most susceptible to anxiety attacks and eat accordingly.

Use calming scents

Smell is considered to be the body’s most powerful sense, and there are many fragrances known to specifically reduce anxiety levels. Researchers test different scents, narrowing them down to the ones that help you relax the most. Common anxiety-reducers include lavender, peppermint, jasmine, lemon, and other citrus fruits. Look for these fragrances in the form of candles, lotions, air fresheners, shower gels, and essential oils. Surrounding yourself with a calming scent during the day, or even just catching a whiff or two during a particularly anxious moment, can help keep you grounded and allow you to cope.

Exercise mindfully

Hand-in-hand with dietary choices, exercise habits influence the overall state of our bodies and minds. Exercising mindfully is just as important as exercising regularly—that is, your exercise needs to counteract your anxiety and not increase it. Twenty to thirty minutes of moderate exercise each day can help reduce anxiety levels, but over-exercising or an obsessive need to exercise will only make your anxiety worse. Start off slow, and try to incorporate yoga or other types of meditation into your routine. A brisk walk followed by ten minutes of stretching and controlling your breathing may be all you need to calm down.

Attempt to relax

While this coping mechanism may seem counterintuitive, attempting to relax can help your mind slow down and allow you to actually relax. If you are experiencing severe anxiety, sit down in a quiet, dark room. Focus on your breathing, and attempt to bring your heart rate back to normal. Close your eyes, count to fifty, play calming music, lie down, call a friend . . . anything that distracts you from the present situation. It's never easy to relax in the middle of an anxiety attack, but making a conscious effort to combat your fears is the first step toward beating them.

Use heat

Heating up the body forces muscles to relax, which in turn can help reduce anxiety. In addition to the physical alterations heat causes in our bodies, our minds associate warmth with a state of comfort and relaxation—the opposite of anxiety. Try taking a hot bath, sitting in a steam room, reading by the fireplace, drinking a cup of tea or hot chocolate, or walking around in warm weather. Even a few minutes of daily “heat therapy” can make a big difference when it comes to managing anxiety levels.

If anxiety is something you are trying to get under control, please contact me for a free consultation. I'm here to help you.

Playground Bullying: 5 Ways to Protect Your Child

Every child should be entitled to fun and laughter on the playground. Recess is an exciting moment of fresh air and freedom, where children can play, run, talk with their friends, and release the many stresses of the school day. Unfortunately for some children, recess can be a nightmare that turns into a source of distress instead.

As loving parents, we want the best for our children; we love them, protect them, and do everything we can to keep them happy. But what about school, when we are not around to make sure all is well? School is the place where children learn about boundaries, how to behave in social settings, and how to be self-reliant. Those are very important teachings in your child’s life; however, when your child becomes a victim of bullying, it can destroy your child’s self-confidence and even result in lifelong repercussions.

Bullying can happen in many different ways: physical, emotional/psychological, verbal, and even over the internet. Here are five ways you can help your child stay clear of bullying situations, or deal with them if they arise.

1. Communicate

Asking your child, “How was your day?” is probably going to yield the same answer every time: “Good.” Children don’t always know what to say, even if there is something wrong at school.

Using open-ended questions will engage your child and help him to speak more about his emotions and how he felt during the day. Try questions like these:

• Tell me something that made you laugh today

• Tell me something you saw today that you didn’t like

• Which friend did you have the most fun with at recess?

2. Warning signs

Always remain vigilant about common warning signs of bullying, such as:

• Unexplained bruising and injuries

• Frequent stomachaches, headaches, and pretend-illnesses to stay home

• Missing or damaged personal belongings

• Your child comes home very hungry every day, as if she did not eat lunch

• Gets angry or defensive when questioned about school/mood swings

• Sudden drop in academic performance

3. Volunteer

Find some time to volunteer at school, either during lunch, recess, or even during class. Having a parent present can reassure your child and make it easier for you to observe behavior patterns around other classmates, and what goes on during recess.

4. Inform the school

If you know or suspect your child is being victimized at school, talk to his teacher(s) as soon as possible. Also talk to the school counselor and principal. The more ‘ears and eyes’ you have at school protecting your child, the safer it will be for all involved. Identifying the child or children responsible for bullying is also critical.

5. Educate your child

Your child needs to learn the proper and safest ways to respond to bullying. Make sure you educate your child about how he or she can handle situations at school:

• Ask the person to stop and then walk away. If that fails, advise your child to promptly report the incident to a teacher or responsible adult.

• Make sure your child knows not to retaliate, or do the same to other children. The problem needs to stop, not aggravate.

We can’t always be there to protect our children. Some childhood difficulties are good for character building and self-confidence. Bullying, on the other hand, is very damaging and needs to be stopped. Even adults face bullying situations at times, so the sooner we educate our children about how to handle and solve bullying issues, the sooner we will grab bullying by the horns and do good for society at large.

Moms with ADHD - 7 Practical Ways to Stay Organized

Raising kids and managing a home are two of the most demanding and time-consuming jobs for mothers. Even without ADHD any mother eventually feels overwhelmed, over-extended, and totally exhausted. If you are a mother dealing with ADHD, your challenge is even greater and will require even more determination to keep your family and personal life as healthy as possible.

There are many ways to stay organized despite the chaos of family life. Here are 7 practical ways that can make a big difference:

1. Take Care of Yourself

As caregivers, we forget and erase our own needs all the time. Though every mother should make sure she lives a balanced life, mothers with ADHD need to pay even more attention to that aspect. In order to organize your life, your mind and body need to be sharp and relaxed.
 

• Take short ‘do nothing’ breaks daily

• Get plenty of sleep and good nutrition

• Physical activity, meditation, and yoga are great ways to relieve stress and stay focused

2. De-clutter

De-clutter your mind and your home! Clutter has been proven by neuroscientists to affect our concentration, increase our stress level, and reduce our performance. You have enough going on with your busy family life; you don’t need additional visual distractions to drain your energy.

For physical clutter:
 

• Get rid of the clutter, one room at a time

• Keep every room clutter-free by picking up as you go

For mind clutter:

• Write down everything you have to do

• Organize by priority

• Focus on one task at a time

• Use color-coded calendars for everyone in the family

3. Plan Ahead

Life throws surprise events and activities at us all the time and we can’t avoid it, so when it comes to school, work, and day-to-day stuff, make it as predictable for everyone as possible.
 

• Morning tasks, such as packing lunches and preparing snacks should be done the night before. This will reduce morning stress and increase your chances of a restful night.

• Notice which part of every day is more chaotic, and make small changes to prepare as many things in advance as possible.

• Establish daily routines anywhere from bedtimes to free time, so they become predictable for every member of the family, and there’s less on your mind.

• Avoid situations that can lead to meltdowns in your children, for example, have someone watch the children while you go grocery shopping.

4. Team Work

In addition to educating yourself and your family about how ADHD works and effects you, you also need to engage everyone in family teamwork, so they all take part in helping you cope with day-to-day life. Delegate as many tasks as possible.

5. Simplify!

Stop multitasking. Multitasking is a go-crazy habit that is extremely counterproductive. When there is too much going on at once, nothing gets done properly and tension rises.

Another big stressor and attention drainer is electronics. Get rid of all electronics during meals and stay clear of computer screens and phones while doing something else. Set some uninterrupted time each day to catch up on social media and emails.

6. Support System

ADHD is a big challenge in itself; make sure you have a solid support system and professional help for you and your family as needed. They can help you stay focused and organized when all you feel is unraveled.

7. Lighten Things Up

Staying organized does not only mean serious work and planning, it also means a lighter, more joyful mind. Try to turn your own meltdowns into something funny, so everyone can laugh about it with you. Laughter is the ultimate tension diffuser, saving your mind and energy for more important things.

Life can be demanding and stressful. Keeping things clutter-free and organized is extremely important — especially when dealing with ADHD. Take it one day at a time, one task at a time, and ask for help as needed. You can do this!

5 Common Symptoms of Postpartum Depression & What To Do About Them

Having a baby is a joyful and precious gift of life. But, when you find yourself incapable of enjoying your baby or when your life takes a turn for the worse, when you know you should be happy but you’re not, postpartum depression might be to blame.

Unlike the common ‘baby blues’ that last anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks after childbirth, postpartum depression will usually not go away on its own if left untreated. They both have very similar symptoms, but depression will go far beyond the normal emotional overload of sudden hormonal changes; it is a medical illness that needs to be treated early.

Trust your instinct. If you feel that things are not as they should be, chances are they aren’t. Here are some common symptoms of postpartum depression and ways to handle them.

1. Overwhelming fatigue

Exhaustion is part of motherhood; those sweet little beings have the tendency to keep us up all night, and demand all of our attention and energy. With postpartum depression, even a good night's sleep will not make you feel better and you might lose interest in your baby and other important aspects of your life.

To prevent this lethargy from consuming you, take every opportunity your baby gives you to rest. You also need to stay active. Go for a walk* with your baby and get some fresh air; it will rejuvenate you.

2. Loss of appetite

Depression can affect your interest in your most basic needs, such as eating. Instead of skipping meals altogether, push yourself to take very small meals throughout the day. Eat as healthy as you can in small portions. You can snack all day on celery and carrots or fruit. Try to eat healthy foods until your appetite returns to normal. Avoid alcohol and caffeinated beverages as much as possible.

If someone offers you prepared meals or help in the kitchen, say yes. Let others help you.

3. Intense irritability or anger

Mood swings are common after childbirth, but if you have constant and intense bursts of anger and you are unable to control them, this is depression talking.

Try to take some time to yourself, several times a day, to decompress and regain control. This is your system telling you to ask for support.

4. Not bonding with your child

The mother-child bond is a natural and very strong connection. Postpartum depression can take away your desire to bond with your child, as if you were unconsciously blaming your baby for the constant crying, diaper changing, and sleep deprivation.

In order to truly enjoy your baby, you need rest and support. Let your husband, partner, family, or trusted friend take care of your baby a for brief period of time while you attend to your self-care.

5. Insomnia

Just like fatigue and loss of appetite, the best cure for insomnia is to be more physically active*. Cardio exercises are especially effective for getting the stagnant and negative energy out of your system. Depression drains your emotions and your mind, but your body accumulates all the negative stress. You can also try guided meditations at bedtime to induce sleep.

When to contact your doctor or counselor
 

• Your symptoms last for more than two weeks without any signs of improvement

• Your symptoms prevent you from taking care of your baby or yourself

• If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

• Your symptoms keep getting worse

Your doctor may prescribe antidepressants, therapy sessions, and even hormone therapy as needed. Make sure to tell your doctor if you are breastfeeding.

Don’t let postpartum depression ruin this magical moment for you and your baby. Catch it early, complete treatments recommended by your doctor or therapist, and go on enjoying your family life as you should.

*Always remember to follow your doctor's instructions regarding exercise after childbirth.

Caring For Your Sick or Disabled Spouse? 7 Ways to Take Care of Yourself and Your Partner

It’s unfortunate that anyone has to live with and suffer from an illness or disability. Being that person's sole caregiver, however, is no walk in the park either. Caring for your spouse is a big responsibility. It’s highly demanding on many different levels. It often carries its own heavy burdens: physical exhaustion, overwhelming emotions, sentiments of guilt, depression, fear, injustice, sadness, and even anger.

Here are some ways for you to take care of yourself and your partner during this important life transition.

1. Lose the Guilt

Guilt can arise easily in this situation. You may feel guilty for being healthy or for having a good time while your spouse can't join you. You can also feel guilty for experiencing anger and resentment toward your spouse because of the life, activities, relationship, and intimacy you may have lost. If your spouse is aware enough to realize what is happening, he or she may also have built up some heavy guilt for making your life so difficult.

Guilt will not help either of you. You have to accept those feelings and let them go. If possible, talk honestly about the feelings you’re both experiencing. If talking isn’t possible or comfortable, you can write it down. Find a peaceful way to acknowledge all the feelings without assigning blame or cultivating guilt.

2. Home Care Services

If you can afford it, get professional nursing help, either full-time or for just a few days a week, to get some well-deserved rest. If your spouse is lucid enough, having a third party in charge of the more ‘personally invasive’ tasks might save you both a great deal of emotional discomfort.

If nursing care is not an option, consider having help around the house. Family and friends can be a big help with cleaning, grocery shopping, and meal preparation. Accept all the help you can get!

3. Address Your Emotions

You might love your partner dearly but still catch yourself silently wishing you didn’t have to care for him or her. Those emotions are normal and they can vary greatly from time to time, depending on your life situation, your health, and your busy schedule.

Counseling and support groups are great ways to get the emotional understanding and support you need in your situation. Your counselor and support group members may even share helpful tips for coping with your situation.

4. Laughter

Make room for laughter. If possible, watch comedies together or spend time with a friend to bring joy and simplicity back into your life. Laughter has medical and psychological properties. A good laugh will keep you going longer and restore positive energy, which will benefit the entire family.

5. You First

You can’t help anyone if you are falling apart yourself. Keep a close eye on your own health and stay active, eat well, and get plenty of rest. Talk to your doctor or counselor if you start experiencing chronic health problems or signs of depression. To care for your spouse, you need to take care of yourself first.

6. Make a schedule

Reduce your mental worries by establishing a schedule. Make sure to block out time for yourself and your favorite activities or to get some fresh air with your partner . Routines can alleviate stress and help you remember to take care of yourself as well. Balance is important for both of you.

7. Find Love Again

Longing for how your life used to be will not help anyone. Though you can’t go back in time or change the circumstances, you can try to create new tender moments with each other. Try to have some quality time together that does not involve daily caregiving responsibilities. Go for walks, watch the sunset, put on music and candles, allow love to co-exist with your life’s new responsibilities.

Your Friend is Depressed - How Can You Help?

When your friend is depressed it can feel as if your own life is crumbling. It pains you to see your friend suffer and it hurts you to feel so helpless. Your caring instinct will urge you to help and do everything you can to lighten your friend’s burdens or worries but, at the same time, you may also feel overwhelmed or scared by the situation.

Here are some ways you can help your friend feel better, while also avoiding some common mistakes:
 

• The first step in helping your friend is to take good care of yourself. Make sure you balance helping out with nurturing your own life and needs. Don’t let yourself drown in your friend’s sorrow; keep an eye on your mood and energy level.

• Be there for your friend; let her know she can safely confide in you. Encourage her to talk openly about her feelings and what she thinks could have triggered her depression.

• Show empathy instead of sympathy. Tell your friend that even though you might not understand exactly how he feels, you care about his well-being and you’re there for him.

• Listen with a kind heart and a non-judgmental mind, even if you don’t agree or you think she’s being unreasonable.

• Suggest professional help and read about depression together. Offer to go with your friend to his first therapy session.

• Check in often. Be gentle and respectful, but persistent.

• Give your friend a hug or a comforting touch on the hand or shoulder. Physical contact is important and very beneficial; of course, make sure she would welcome this special attention.

• Nurture your friendship. Spend quality time together, go see a funny movie, go for a nature walk; a change of scenery will benefit you both.

• Ask your friend for help with something. This will make him feel important and boost his confidence.

• You might feel that sharing the events of your life is inappropriate at this time, however, if you feel your friend has some interest in what you are going through, spend time talking about what’s going on in your life as well.

Some things to be careful of:
 

• Remember that no one can snap out of depression, it is a long and complex process.

• Refrain from giving advice. Make an effort to understand what your friend is going through instead of trying to find solutions.

• Don’t minimize or ignore depression. While it is important and healthy for both of you to find distractions from the situation, it is also crucial not to neglect treatment or to minimize the severity of depression. Take it seriously.

• If you find yourself feeling drained or losing patience with your friend, find time to put some distance between you and replenish your own energy.

• When you offer help, mean it and live up to it. Do not let your friend down, it would only send the message that he is not important or worth your time.

Some final notes:
 

• Don’t give up. Be patient. Don’t lose hope even when your friend rejects all your caring gestures and efforts. Be an unconditional friend.

• It might be good to find volunteer activities you could do together to help out in your community. In addition to helping others, this gratifying work might help your friend feel good about herself.

• Always be on the watch for suicidal warning signs such as extreme isolation or anger, a clear loss of interest in life, or comments such as,”‘I wish I were dead” or “Life would be better without me.” Even if you only suspect your friend has suicidal thoughts, please alert someone–call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.

Cyber Bullying: Know the Facts - Protect Your Teen

Bullying is a serious problem for many teenagers, and now cyber bullying provides a way for bullying to infiltrate your teen’s life everywhere he or she goes–not only at school, but also at home, at the movies, on weekends, at night, during summer break, anywhere and anytime.

Almost half of all students will be victims of cyber bullying at one point or another. The devastating impact of cyber bullying can cause many ailments in your child, from social withdrawal, poor self-esteem, eating disorders, low grades, substance abuse, delinquency to suicidal thoughts.

As a parent, there are a few things you can do to help protect your teen against cyber bullying and prevent him or her from bullying others:

Educate

Schools do a great job of educating teenagers about anti-bullying practices and safety, but, because cyber bullying is also inside your home, it is your responsibility as a family to discuss ways to prevent bullying, raise awareness about what is considered bullying, and be clear about what your teenager should do if he or she is being bullied.

Inspire

Encourage your teen to visit anti-bullying sites and read some of the stories and anti-bullying efforts.

Watch movies that raise awareness about cyber bullying and its negative impacts. This will not only raise his sensitivity about the subject, it will encourage your teenager to stand against bullying, and give him the courage to speak up if he witnesses or experiences it.

Monitor usage

You can install monitoring software on your teen’s devices that allow you to restrict adult content and apps and provide monitoring of online activities. It is important to establish trust, as monitoring can be seen as very invasive for a teenager. Explain clearly why monitoring is needed.

Never respond

Tell your teen to never respond to bullying messages; giving a reaction will only feed the bullying cycle and give the bully exactly what he or she is hoping for.

Keep the evidence

Cyber bullying leaves a trace. Make sure your teenager knows how important it is to keep all evidence of bullying such as text messages, chats, or emails.

Block them

If your teen is the victim of cyber bullying, make sure to block the sender’s email, phone number, or profile from her devices and social media sites.

Report all bullying

Have your child show you all of the messages he received. Report the incident to the appropriate authorities, such as teachers or school counselors. If the messages contain threats, violence, or nudity, this should also be reported to the police.

Be a ‘follower’

If you allow your teen to be on social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, inform her that you will be adding yourself as a ‘friend’ or a ‘follower’ on every site. While you want to respect your adolescent’s privacy, make sure she understands that this is a condition for her using social media sites and that you will monitor only for safety purposes.

Teach caution

Sharing pictures and videos with friends can be fun. However, it’s important to teach your teenager to never share anything, in words or media files, that he would not want the world to see. If the information could cause harm or humiliation to your teenager or someone else, it should not be shared.

Open communication

Have frequent talks about cyber bullying and keep an eye on any behavioral changes in your adolescent that could be the result of bullying.

Limit electronics at home

Make sure your teen gets plenty of non-screen time at home. If your child is the victim of cyber bullying, turning off the devices will provide space for activities and positive distraction.

Be a role model

Make sure to watch your own comments and behavior when you are not fond of someone or if someone angers you. Be a good role model. Don’t bully.
 

How To Help Your Children Cope With Their First Loss

The first loss of a family member, friend, or family pet can be difficult, scary, and confusing for your children. Your children will not only need help and support with the grieving process, they will also need help understanding topics such as what happens after someone passes, why is life taken away, what happens to the body, who decides who lives and who dies, etc. These are all challenging subjects, even for adults.

Aside from loving them dearly, here are some ways you can help your children cope with a first loss:

Room for emotions

At times of grief, everyone reacts differently. During a first loss, a lot more is happening to your children aside from the sadness of losing a loved one; your children don’t have a frame of reference for how to handle the shock, the confusion, the pain, the anger, and all the other types of emotions related to the situation. Younger children might also not understand that this departure is permanent.

Your children will need time to grieve in their own ways, and no one can predict how that will go, or how long it will take. Be a great listener and allow plenty of room for your children to express all of their emotions, fears, and concerns in a supportive and loving environment.

Be Honest

While some details may not be age-appropriate for your children to hear, do your best to tell the unbiased truth about the circumstances of death. Kids are more perceptive than we think, if you sugar-coat the event, trying to minimize the pain, your children may know you are hiding information and think you don’t trust them to deal with it.

Not Their Fault

Children have a tendency to blame themselves for events occurring in the family. When someone, or a family pet, dies, some children may fabricate stories to blame the event on themselves, especially if the death occurred when they were away, on the way to school, or after a disagreement, etc. Make sure your children know it is not their fault.

Room for personal beliefs

Children are great at questioning everything they are told. Be ready to explain some of your beliefs about death; they may make great sense to you, but they may not to your children. For example, you may tell your children that “Grandma is now in a better place and is no longer suffering,” and in the midst of strong emotions and sorrow, how your children respond may surprise you, such as: “How do you know that? What if she is still suffering, and we can’t help her anymore?” “When is she coming back?” or, “She is stuck in a coffin six feet underground, how is that a better place?”

You may be surprised at how they see and understand death, it may even shock you or counter your own religion or beliefs, but it is important in this phase of grieving to not take your children’s comments or reactions personally.

Everyone grieves differently. Let your children express emotions and thoughts freely without correcting or judging, and let them decide what they need to believe in. As needed, once the initial mourning phase has passed, you can choose to re-address these concerns with your children.

Be a Role Model

While you may instinctively want to focus all of your energy on helping your children get through this difficult time, you should not hide your own grieving, but allow yourself to mourn as well.

The way you handle your pain and sorrow will teach more than words ever will. Make sure to process your own grieving and allow yourself time and space to heal. Your children will learn how to cope by watching you handle your grief.

If you are concerned about your children’s level of grief, methods of grieving, or if the loss is impacting you so deeply that you struggle to handle your normal family activities, consider grief counseling for you and for your children.

Why is "Love Yourself" So Difficult?

It all starts at a very young age. We listen to what people say around us and we perceive the media as a source of truth and ultimate guidance. We quickly learn to be dissatisfied with ourselves and others. We compare and assimilate that we will never be beautiful, or intelligent enough, for anyone. We become our worst critic.

Loving ourselves should be the most basic and natural daily ritual; yet, we can probably count on one hand how many positive thoughts we’ve had about ourselves in a given week! The only thing standing between love and hate is our mindset.

What is self-love?

Self-love is appreciation for who we are, as we are, right now. The same unconditional love that we are capable of giving to other people in our lives, no matter what they do or look like, is exactly what we should award to ourselves as well.

Why so difficult?

We have learned, over generations, to react to criticism, to take comments and opinions personally, and to compare ourselves constantly with the world around us. The society’s thirst for perfection has made us pawns for self-judgment and self-deprecation.

When it comes to our bodies, we are being bombarded with photo-shopped images of so-called perfection and diets and fitness ideals that far surpass our capacities, and which, in turn, make us feel even more dissatisfied.

Promote self-love

While we can’t change what the media promotes about our personality, our character, or our bodies, we can change how we perceive ourselves, how we process information and opinions, and how we apply them to our lives.

Acceptance and appreciation for yourself

Wherever you go, whatever you do, however you look, there is one person who will always be there for you: YOU! Appreciation is the key to a rewarding life and the basis for all positive changes. You need to team up with yourself, accept how you are today, and appreciate all the little details of who you are. Foster a healthy relationship with yourself.

Catch negative thoughts

Be aware of the negative thoughts you have about yourself as they occur. Being an active witness is a remarkably powerful tool against ego-driven, self-destructive thought processes. Becoming conscious of your own presence, your critical mind will start lessening the attacks.

Stop the pleasing quest

The only person that should be pleased by you is yourself. Don’t try to please everyone.

Be positive

Write something positive about yourself daily. The goal is to start focusing on the positive and slowly let go of the negative.

Grain of salt

You can’t always stop or prevent negative self-talk or the hurtful comments of others; it’s the way you process that information that will make a big difference in your life. Opinions, hurtful comments, even compliments - take them all with a grain of salt.

No matter what others say, nothing can truly affect you or your self-image, unless you let it.

Do it for the right reasons

No matter what changes you decide to do in your life, always base them on how it makes you feel, not for what others may think. For example, don’t try to change yourself or try to lose weight to look like your next-door neighbor, do it because it would make you feel better.

Inside out

Unlike what the media tries to tell us about success and beauty, it all starts within. True beauty comes in all shapes and forms. Beauty is inside out.

Role model

How we perceive and treat ourselves, in thoughts, words, and actions, will teach others to do the same, whether a child, a friend, or a stranger. Foster well-being and self-appreciation — we could all use inspiring role models!

Embrace who you are and enjoy and appreciate yourself and your body as it is today. Your physical appearance does not define who you are or your value. Care for yourself, stay active, and have fun!
 

7 Ways Shame May Be Corroding Your Life

Shame has the power to crumble the most powerful and successful person at any given time. The importance we put on how others perceive us can render us completely defenseless against personal attacks or failures.

While guilt and shame are often used interchangeably, guilt is in fact a healthy emotion that allows us to recognize a good behavior versus a bad one and build consciousness to avoid future mistakes. Shame, on the other hand, the belief that YOU are bad or flawed, will eat away at every bit of your confidence without giving anything good in return.

Shame also carries serious risks. As Brené Brown, said in her TED Talk, The Power of Vulnerability: “Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders.” Even if shame has not damaged your life or your self-worth as much as listed above, the potential is there.

Whether shame comes from something you did, or something someone said, here are some ways shame may be affecting you:

1. Low Self-Esteem

Shame has the tendency to greatly reduce your self-esteem, sometimes making you feel worthless to the point of not being able to see or appreciate any of your qualities. For example, you may have failed at a task or responsibility at work, and because of it you suddenly think you are worthless for any kind of job.

2. Difficult Relationships

Thinking that you are never good enough, or less than what you should be, will make any kind of relationship difficult. As your self-worth declines, shame may even push you to blame others for your pain. For instance, the thought of not being lovable may trigger you to blame your partner for not loving you. In this situation, no matter what your partner says or does, you will find yourself unable to accept or believe his or her love.

3. Depression

When shame overpowers your life, the risk of losing control and falling into depression increases considerably. The lack of self-esteem eventually prevents you from thinking or feeling anything positive about yourself, affecting all aspects of your life, leaving you at the mercy of a persistent mood disorder that is difficult to get out of.

4. Superficial Self

If shame brings you down to the point of feeling empty inside, or invisible to others, you could unconsciously turn to superficial compensation or gratification such as: extreme focus on looks and appearance, and/or becoming a relentless people-pleaser in order to get smiles and praise, when in fact, this false-bravado may only make you feel more frustrated and unlovable.

5. Isolation

Faced with shame, you may be tempted to isolate yourself from other people or social situations for fear of being judged, criticized, or rejected. Sadly, avoiding social interactions only feeds the fire of shame and inadequacy, making it harder to face your fears as time goes by.

6. Aggressive Behavior

Repressed shame can easily destroy lives by festering inside you and giving way to revengeful thoughts or actions towards yourself, or others that have wronged you.

7. Shaming Others

In some cases, shame may aversively push you towards unhealthy behaviors that will shame others, such as severe or constant criticism and controlling tendencies. In this case, not only are you suffering from shame, but your behavior may spread shame to others as well.

We all have felt shame at some point in our lives and most certainly have said something that could have caused shame in someone else, but, as many researchers say, keeping the shame well hidden inside is not the proper way to deal with it.

It is important to allow yourself to feel and process all of your emotions without judgment. Seek out a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to talk help you talk about and process feelings of shame. Once acknowledged and accepted, these thoughts and feelings have a tendency to disarm themselves naturally, empowering you with courage to continue on your path, leaving shame behind.

Women: Five Reasons It's Not Too Late to Start Something New

Whether you are forced into a change because of downsizing or resource actions, or because you are ready for a slower pace with less hours, stress, or responsibilities, a career change later in life is highly common and predictable.

You have already adapted to multitudes of unexpected changes in your life, what you decide to do with your career, and your goals at this time is no different: you can evolve, adapt, and succeed at anything you set your mind to. It’s never too late to start something new, here is why:

1. You know yourself better now

Your life experience has brought you undeniable knowledge about who you are as a person, your strengths, your likes and dislikes, passions, and hidden talents — things you didn’t know when you were 20. You know what sparks the light in your eyes, what drains the energy out of you, what gets you motivated. You know what you want and why you want it. You can find employment that better fits your goals, your expertise, and who you have become.

2. Maturity and knowledge

No diploma can teach the knowledge and life lessons you have acquired over the years. You are in a position to make mature decisions with a full understanding of possible real-life repercussions, efforts, and necessary investments to make it happen.

Take this time to reassess all of your skills and achievements. Make a list of all the experience and expertise you have accumulated over the years that are transferable to different jobs or careers.

3. Determination and motivation

Even though it may seem scary or even impossible to embark on something new later on in your life, the reasons behind your desire to do something different are filled with a determination, will power, and certainty that can only come with years of experience.

It takes motivation and determination to make changes in our lives, especially if it is a drastic or more elaborate transformation. However, age is not a factor when making positive changes in your life. Be open to something new and start networking as soon as possible to let people know you are looking for a new challenge.

4. Learning opportunities

Education opportunities are everywhere. From returning to college to earn a degree, to continuing education, community offered classes, to the internet, there is a vast array of ways to learn something new and get to the place you want to be. While entering a program that would require 15 years of education might not be an optimal solution for you, there could be several related opportunities that could bring you the satisfaction of contributing and working in a similar environment.

Whether you want to tackle the career you’ve never had, or want to do something that aligns more with who you are now, there are many accessible ways to achieve it.

5. Change is good!

Change keeps us afloat and keeps us energized. The ‘new you’ may be ready for a new step in life. Trust yourself and your decisions. Make sure to block out those inner voices that constantly try to ‘protect’ you from the unknown. Being smart with your choices is a must, but while keeping both feet on the ground and doing your research (what’s involved, finance, education, etc.), unleash your creative side and live the life you want to live.

If you are not interested or ready for a drastic change in your life, or maybe the career you would like demands too much time, money, or education, nothing stops you from volunteering or taking a different job within the field of expertise you are interested in.

Life has changed, and so have you. Learning and doing something new, whether a hobby or a career, is beneficial for your overall health and well-being.
 

Returning to Work After Maternity Leave? 7 Steps to Ease the Transition

Whether you are returning to work by choice or by obligation, mixing motherhood and career will surely bring its share of challenges, sacrifices, and adjustments. But as long as you do your best, set realistic expectations, and keep the “mother’s guilt” at bay, you will make it work.

Here are 7 steps to ensure a smooth and successful transition when returning to work:

1. Make a plan

There are many important things to think about and consider before going back to work, for example:
- Finding suitable childcare for your baby.
- Making sure you have the flexibility with your work schedule, your partner, or your baby’s daycare to cover for unforeseen events (sick baby, delayed commute, extended work hours, etc.).
- Coordinating work and daycare schedules.
- If nursing, you will need a breast-pump. You can freeze milk in advance, but unless you plan to discontinue breastfeeding, you will need to pump at work. Things to consider: Will you have access to a private room when you need to pump milk? Will there be a refrigerator at work to store your milk until you leave for home at the end of the work day?

2. Prepare Meals

Both work and baby will demand your undivided attention and energy. Ease-up the transition by preparing and freezing as many meals ahead of time as possible. It will be a lifesaver, especially for the first few days.

3. Practice

In order to minimize stress and anxiety, start practicing your new lifestyle and schedule:
- Start spending time away from your baby to reduce separation anxiety, allowing for a gradual adjustment.
- If using childcare, have your baby attend a few days ahead of time for him or her to get accustomed, and to iron-out the details.
- Try out your new work schedule; get ready early in the morning, head out the door, and come back a little later. See how it feels and how it impacts the baby’s routine then adjust as needed.
- Have someone else bottle-feed your baby before resuming work.

4. Work Schedule Options

Discuss with your employer the possibility of a gradual return to work. For example, you could work half days for a couple of weeks, or only a few days a week at first. This could help everyone ease into the change.

5. Look Professional

Prepare your office wardrobe in advance. Make sure the clothes feel great and look good on you. If you are not completely back to your pre-baby figure, shop for clothes that make you feel your best at this time. This doesn’t need to be an expensive shopping outing. Check out resale shops, store and online sales, or even borrow some items from a friend or relative until you are back into your pre-baby clothing.  Feeling and looking professional will boost your self-confidence during the transition from home to work.

6. Pre-Visit

If possible, plan an office visit before your scheduled return; get project updates, meeting summaries, latest changes in resources and procedures — anything to help you get back into the game with a sharp mind.

7. Delegate

Being a working mother will test your delegation and organizational skills. Be realistic before you say "yes" to requests at home or at work and learn to say "no" when possible. Get creative, offer other solutions and, most importantly, become a master at delegating!

Thankfully, more and more employers are becoming advocates of healthy work-life balance options for their employees. But whether or not your company offers you that flexibility and understanding, as a successful working mother you will learn to readjust priorities and expectations and find even better, more efficient ways to get things done.

The most important thing, during all of these changes, is to not lose track of yourself and what’s truly important in your life. Make time for yourself, spend quality time with your spouse and your baby, minimize unnecessary distractions, and make the best of every moment.
 

How to Rebuild Self-Esteem After an Abusive Relationship

You found the courage to free yourself from an abusive relationship. No one could have prepared you for how difficult doing the right thing would be, but you did it. Abusive relationships tend to destroy the very last strand of self-confidence you have, leaving you feeling useless, broken down, and damaged. Remember that abusive relationships are not only physical abuse, but anytime emotional or psychological abuse is present.

Part of the healing will be to stop believing everything you were told by your abuser and rebuild your wounded self-esteem by nurturing yourself back to health and confidence.

Here are some ways to help you do that:

Positive Thoughts

Start jotting down positive things about yourself. The list may be short at first, but keep adding to it as you start feeling better. Find ways to remind yourself of those positive things every time you feel low and insecure. Use a small object, such as a pendant, bracelet, small toy, a beautiful rock, or any other small objects you can carry with you, and remind yourself of all the positive things have you have to offer yourself and others.

Carrying that special object can remind you that you are deserving of love and respect. It will encourage you to keep going through tough times. See it as a gentle reminder of your promise to stop any type of abuse from ever coming into your life again.

Nurture Soul & Body

Take care of yourself by exercising, eating well, and getting plenty of rest. Take on new hobbies or activities you have always wanted to do but never did. Bring back your value by investing in yourself. It can be as simple as a hot bath and a facial mask, anything that feels good to you and brings a smile to your face.

Reflect and Observe

Try to get something positive out of that very unfortunate situation by reflecting on possible warning signs you might have missed at the beginning of the relationship, bringing them to light so you are not blinded again.

A common tactic used by an abuser is overwhelming praise and compliments that later turn into possession, pulling you away from your family and friends, only allowing you to spend time with him. Research common red flags of abusive relationships and partners. Turn this into a learning opportunity and make awareness your new best friend.

Be Kind to Yourself

As you reflect upon your past and start learning from your experience, it is critical that you do NOT blame yourself, feel guilty, or criticize yourself for falling for the very wise manipulative traps of the person you were with. It was all a ruse. Your goal is to understand better, see clearly, and grow stronger.

Though abuse is not easy to forget, you owe it to yourself to forgive and move on. Be kind to yourself and allow all the negative energies to flow out of you and embrace a fresh start.

Stay Away

Refrain from any contact with your abuser. Break all ties and contact. Clear every reminder of the relationship from your life and environment. Similar to spring-cleaning, it’s time to let go of the old and make room for the new.

If you have children with your abuser, and visitation with their father is required, you can take advantage of the services of an intermediary if you have to coordinate the transition to his care. A professional intermediary will allow you not to see the person who hurt you, and will make sure your children are safe at the time of transfer of care.

If your mind is cluttered with memories and emotions, write them all down on paper and shred it to pieces once you’re done. Do guided meditations, positive affirmations — anything that helps you quiet your mind and refocus on you.

Support

Whether you confide in your best friend, your family, or reach out to a support group or therapist, this is a time to reconnect to people who bring the best out of you and who will support your goals and be there for you no matter what.

The world changes one person at a time, be that person in your life. Take your time, be patient with yourself, and allow room for all types of emotional fluctuations that may occur. Taking care of yourself will slowly bring self-confidence back in your life.
 

7 Ways to Maintain Your Spirituality in this Busy World

Spirituality is often a pillar of life; a system of beliefs or traditions that keeps us strong and hopeful. But when our world gets hectic and overwhelmingly busy, we often lose touch with those ground-hugging roots, and feel unbalanced and neglectful.

There is no need to lose your mind or your spirituality over busy times – here are seven easy steps to keep you connected:

1. Slow Down Your Mind

The one thing spirituality needs to exist in your life is you. In order to stay connected, it’s important to find ways to slow down your mind, even when running from one place to another. Try to stay in each moment, instead of letting your mind race to the next to-do on the list. Taking a deep slow breath will relax your body and clear your mind instantly, allowing spirituality to seep in and coexist with your busy life.

2. Be Grateful

The simple act of gratitude is in itself a form of spirituality. When you run around all stressed out, you will most likely forget to be grateful for the loving people in your life, for the chances you have that many don’t. When you are able to slow down your mind a few times a day, and be grateful for your many blessings throughout the day, you will be two steps closer to reconnecting effortlessly with your spirituality.

3. Increased Quality

If devoting 30 minutes of your day to your spirituality is making you even more stressed out because you are exhausted, or out of time, it will not be beneficial. Try dividing this time into smaller lapses during which you are fully present, giving each moment high quality and meaning. Adapt your spirituality to the rhythm of your life.

4. Sacred Time & Place

Allow time, every day, where you can enjoy a few minutes of solitude and gently tap into your spirituality. Nature is often a very good place to rejuvenate and quiet the mind. It could be a garden or a park close to work, or simply in a quiet room in your house. Find a place, and a time, that allows you to reconnect to yourself and your spirituality.

5. Set Your Environment

Another way to not ‘forget’ your spiritual life and stay connected is to set objects, paintings, or framed quotes in your environment, that remind you of your beliefs constantly. It can even be a bracelet, a pendant, a card in your wallet, something you can see or touch that will bring you right back to your root system and give you strength, even just for a moment. It becomes a connection.

6. Make it a Habit

In a very busy world, repetition is key when you want to stick to a new habit. Start by devoting just five minutes in the morning or before bedtime to meditate, pray or practice your spirituality every day. Begin with a small and easily attainable goal, and stick to it. Soon it will become a natural part of your routine.

7. Reevaluate

In addition to making time to stay in touch with your belief system, also reevaluate the activities and obligations you set for yourself each day, and decide if they are truly needed, or how they could be achieved more efficiently. Staying connected to your spirituality can help you see the unhealthy patterns in your life, and allow you to make changes.

Your spirituality never leaves you. It is there with you at all times, even when you are too busy to attend to it. The goal is to slowly make room in your schedule to let your spiritual-self flow back into your life, and rebalance your mind, body and soul. It doesn’t take much to lose track, but it also doesn’t take much to stay in touch.

8 Ways Retirement Can Be the Best Time of Your Life

Retirement can be an exciting and energizing transition, and possibly a little scary as well. Maybe you were able to ease into it by working part time for a while, or perhaps your company’s resource actions forced you into early retirement. In any case, retirement doesn’t have to feel like your life is ending. On the contrary, it can be the beginning of something even better!

Here are eight ways retirement will positively change your life:

1. Goodbye Stress!

Similar to taking a vacation, stress can stay in tow for several days before you begin to reap the benefits of stepping away from your busy life. The absence of stressful and hectic schedules may even feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and destabilizing at first. Not to worry: The peace of mind and clarity, that soon follows your newly-found, stress-free routine, will surprise and please the most reluctant retiree!

2. Freedom

No need to get up early in the morning, or rush to fight traffic and meet deadlines. You are now free to do as you please, when you please. When was the last time you asked yourself “What shall I do this week?” Welcome to your new freedom-filled life!

3. Get Things Done

Once you’ve settled into your new groove, and are looking for something to occupy your time, you may decide to finally tackle those tasks you have been putting aside for ages because you were too busy. It could be creating family photo albums, getting rid of clothes or furniture that is no longer needed, repainting a room in the house, or anything else to clear out your to-do list and your space.

4. Travel

You no longer have to report back to your job every day, or feel guilty to just pack up and leave. This is a magnificent time to travel abroad, or even visit places around town you have never been to. Open new horizons, see places you’ve always wanted to see, but couldn’t because of work restrictions.

5. Reconnect

With more free time on your hands, retirement is a golden opportunity to reconnect with long lost friends, or family members you have not seen in a while. When we rush through our lives, and everyone is busy, our most beloved relationships are often the ones that suffer. Make the most of your free time, and reconnect with the people around you.

6. Take Care of Yourself

It’s not only our relationships that pay the price of a busy life; we tend to also neglect our personal health. We eat on the run, and exercise on the run (if at all). We rarely stop to appreciate the small moments in each day, or relax. Retirement allows you to rebalance your daily routine to include good nutrition, exercise, rest, and plenty of fresh air.

7. Give Your Time

Retirement is a perfect time to seek volunteering opportunities for causes you believe in and cherish. Not only is it a rewarding experience and a worthy contribution, it also keeps you sharp, learning, and engaged in life outside of your home, while meeting new people. You now have the time and freedom to do work that truly matters to you, or perhaps work in an area that you’ve always wanted to try.

8. Re-Invent Yourself

As we work our way through life, we sometimes wander away from our original passions or beliefs, but we also discover new talents or interests along the way. There is no better time than retirement to re-invent yourself. Learn something new, invest in an intriguing hobby, and be who you want to be.

Whether retirement takes you flying through adventurous travels, or comforts you with a well-deserved, calm and relaxing time at home, make the most of it by cherishing the people you care about, and enjoying the simple joys of life. Make every moment count.

"Comfort Foods" - Why Do We Turn to Them?

You’ve probably seen movies and TV shows that depict a person turning to ice cream or cake after a break-up or other emotional event. It’s likely you’ve done something similar yourself; maybe you craved pizza after a difficult exam in college or desperately searched for your grandmother’s chicken noodle soup recipe years after leaving home.

The connection between mood and food is complex. Regularly pulling out comfort foods like ice cream, cake, or chips might sound rewarding initially, but it could ultimately leave you feeling dissatisfied or embarrassed. On the other hand, seeking both comfort and nourishment from your food can give you an emotional boost.

So how can you tell if your comfort foods are helping or hurting you? Understanding why, when, and how often you crave certain foods can help you make sure your relationship with food stays positive and healthy.

Why do you turn to comfort foods?

You associate certain foods with happy memories – There are certain smells and tastes you carry with you into adulthood. The healing properties of your grandmother’s soup aren’t just nutritional, they’re sentimental as well: the soup reminds you of being cared for and nurtured. The social attachments you form to certain foods explains why you might want comfort food more when you’re feeling lonely.

You’re experiencing stress and feel overwhelmed – In times of emotional upheaval, you might set aside traditional patterns of eating if you think doing so might help you feel better. For example, you like cake but know you can’t have it all the time. It makes sense that when you’re feeling bad, you make an exception.

You had a really great day – Comfort foods aren’t just for bad days. Researchers have found that comfort food is often used as a reward for a job well done. Certain foods might symbolize pleasure or celebration, concretely commemorating a promotion or a finished project.

You need a break – One study conducted on comfort food found that women and men generally have different tastes when it comes to emotionally rewarding foods. The researchers posited that women generally turn to things like potato chips rather than prepared foods like soup because it signifies a break from providing for others.

When does comfort food hurt?

Because your emotional needs are more dominant than your physical needs in the push toward comfort foods, emotionally rewarding eating isn’t always the most nutritious. One recent study concluded that it isn’t actually the particular food you eat that affects your mood. Instead, you could feel better after eating because you’ve put time and space between yourself and your stressors.

If you find that you’re always seeking out unhealthy foods, keep in mind that you might feel just as good after eating a healthy substitute. You can also have the best of both worlds by putting a healthy twist on old favorites.

Other research suggests that ingesting fatty acids might improve your mood, but there’s a catch—you can become desensitized to the chemical boost the more you eat, meaning that your body will require more fatty acids for the same results. After a while, the food you’re eating for comfort might not comfort you anymore.

If you’re eating a certain food because it reminds you of the past, flipping through a photo album or calling an old friend might boost your mood more than emotional eating.

If you turn to food to reduce stress much of the time, you may be conditioning yourself to use eating as your primary method of coping with difficult times. The temporary emotional boost quickly turns negative if regular stresses in your life persist unresolved.

You don't have to deal with anxious and depressed feelings alone. Talk to a trusted friend, or see a counselor. Commit to finding help to sort through difficult aspects of your life. You can feel better in a way that’s meaningful and long-lasting.